


Sodium Chloride Caffeine is not Good

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith loves him anyway, Lactose Intolerant Keith, Lance is a lil' shit, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), broganes, everyone else is just mentioned, shiro is done with keith's crap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 22:37:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11930742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Really, all Keith wanted was a cup of space coffee.All Lance wanted was senpai to notice him-- I mean what.





	1. early morning

**Author's Note:**

> Hai! Welcome to my first ever Voltron fic :3 
> 
> *shoves this at you*
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy! ^w^

' _It was the alarm's own fault, really,_ ' Lance thought as he looked at the piece of technology lying haphazardly next to him. After he had unceremoniously smacked the damned thing off to the floor in a successful attempt to get back at it for interrupting his beauty sleep _(honestly, his devilishly handsome looks don't look after themselves)_ , Lance had tried to lean down and decipher the time through his hazy vision. In his vulnerable, sleep-induced state, he didn't know why it seemed almost as if the bedroom floor was slowly inching closer to his face until it hit him. Literally. Karma was a fickle mistress.

He groaned, heaving himself upright into a sitting position. Rubbing sleep away from his eyes, Lance crawled nearer to the ticker Coran had given him and picked it up, glaring at the numbers as if they had personally offended him. He furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why he had an alarm set for half past four in the morning. Mostly everyone should still be asleep at such an ungodly hour, with the exception of Pidge. How that gremlin child could manage to stay up all night tinkering with her nerd things was beyond him. Another possible exception was Keith, who sometimes snuck into the training deck to squeeze in some training before breakfast.

Lance's brows shot up in realisation. A grin made its way into his expression, renewed energy starting to course through him and banishing the last remains of sleep into oblivion. He remembered, at that point, that the reason why he chose to wake himself up so early was that he was going to enact an elaborate plan that was certain to give a certain red paladin a rude awakening. Also known as 'Making Keith Drink Salty Space Coffee'.

Recently, they had stopped by a swap moon to restock their food supply. Allura had sent them down, and once they had placated Coran, who was adamant about all of them keeping their disguises on, the paladins accompanied the older Altean to a space equivalent of a grocery store. Hunk had acquired some sort of drink powder while they were there _(after an excruciating hour of Shiro having to keep everyone sane)_ , and upon further investigation, everyone _(especially Pidge)_ was delighted that once prepared, the cloudy orange beverage tasted like coffee. Well, mostly everyone. Allura and Coran had no idea what coffee was, warranting a shrill screech of blasphemy from the green paladin.

Keith had also taken a liking to the drink, as seen by him drinking it almost religiously every morning. He was hesitant at first, worried that his lactose intolerance wouldn't react well to what Hunk had now dubbed 'space coffee'. Once Pidge had confirmed he wouldn't die, it wasn't surprising if anyone spotted the red paladin clinging to a cup of the stuff as if it was his life support every morning. He looked cute, with his untamed bed hair and a grouchy 'I just woke up so don't pull any crap right now' expression, if Lance was being completely honest with himself.

Then again, the blue paladin might as well be in Egypt, waist-deep in the Nile.

After a quick clothes change, Lance walked out the automatic doors of his room, still shrugging his jacket on. He listened for any signs of life along the corridor, before breaking into a light jog for the kitchen area. Coming to a stop right outside the doorway, he poked his head in, and upon seeing no one inside, continued on his way. He made a beeline to the cabinets, rummaging around until he found where they kept the salt and sugar containers. Lance fondly remembered the time he had replaced the word 'salt' with 'Pidge' on the container, earning him a few laughs and a lot of electric shocks from random appliances whenever he used them for a whole week. He didn't know which was more terrifying: the fridge trying to murder him or Pidge's wide, innocent eyes whenever he confronted her.

Peeling off the labels from their respective containers, Lance smirked to himself before switching them. His plan was going smoothly so far. When Keith walks in for his daily dose of space coffee, he was sure to add an _ungodly_ amount of what he thought was sugar to it, like the heathen he was _(don't ask how Lance knew this, he totally wasn't watching the guy, no, not at all)_. The blue paladin giggled, _giggled_ to himself, in a way almost reminiscent of a young schoolgirl. This was going to be absolutely priceless!

Lance examined the labels before placing them back into the cabinet, satisfied with his work.

"He's never gonna suspect a thing."

\-------

When Keith walked into the kitchen, it wasn't difficult to locate Lance, who had sprawled himself out on the counters, like some overgrown cat. He didn't seem to notice him come in. The blue paladin had never woken up so early before. Something was... off. "You're up early," He commented, gazing questioningly at his teammate, who had the good grace of sitting up properly when he acknowledged him. Lance huffed out a small laugh. "Well good morning to you too, mullet."

Keith glared at him through his bangs, which were admittedly starting to grow out more. He really had to get a haircut soon, but he didn't trust himself, or anyone else really, with scissors when his hair was involved. He ran a hand through the thick locks subconsciously, the action not being lost on Lance. He grinned, eyes lighting up suddenly. "So you DO care about your appearance!" He announced victoriously, earning himself another glare from Keith, but there really was no commitment in the look.

There were no more words exchanged between the two, Keith already going on autopilot as he grabbed a mug and made himself some space coffee. He didn't miss how closely Lance was watching him prepare the coffee, and once he had a steaming mug of it cradled in his hands, he didn't miss the flash of triumph that flitted across Lance's eyes. He didn't know what was going through his teammate's mind, but once he took a sip of the hot liquid, he realised what had been done.

The bastard switched the sugar out for salt.

When he heard delighted laughter coming from behind him, his suspicions were confirmed. He whirled around, ready to give Lance a piece of his mind and...

_Oh._

Lance's face was flushed red, his breath coming in quick gasps between his laughter, doubled over, one hand on his abdomen and the other on the edge of the counter, steadying himself. The sound bubbled up and spilt out of his mouth like rays of sunshine and all that was pure and good in the world, and then suddenly those midnight blue eyes were looking at him, eyes shining with unbridled glee. Keith withheld a gasp, face heating up as he desperately hoped the mug he was still holding up was enough to conceal the pink hue that was surely starting to show. Lance looked undeniably, infuriatingly adorable.

And Keith was _doomed_.

' _Someone's thirsty,_ ' A voice that sounded suspiciously like Pidge rang in his head and without thinking, Keith steeled himself, raised the mug to his lips, and deftly chugged the rest of its contents. Anything to distract him from the beautiful boy sitting across from him. Lance's laughter had slowly died down, making Keith feel a weird sort of ache in his chest, and was replaced with shocked silence as Keith gulped down the last mouthful of coffee. The red paladin was definitely going to regret this later, but lord knows what would've happened if Lance kept laughing at him like that. 

Letting the mug drop away from his face, he stood in silence, seemingly nonchalant about what had just gone down. Event-wise, figuratively, and what was now churning through his digestive system, literally. Lance simply stared at him, lips parted and the last hints of humour gradually leaving his stupidly handsome face. When did the blue paladin even get so annoyingly good-looking? He called life out on the BS-itude of the whole situation.

He placed his mug down in the sink, cleaning it quickly, straining not to make any more eye contact than strictly necessary. Keith left the kitchen area, but not before shooting a glance at the wide-eyed teen on the counter. His expression was priceless, strangely endearing.

Then midnight blue hues met with monochromatic grey ones, and Keith found himself smiling.

If he heard the awed 'He smiled at me...' that sounded from behind him, he didn't comment on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still a smol bonus in the next chapter uwu


	2. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoo boi

Keith didn't remember exactly how he ended up heaving up the contents of his stomach into what all of the paladins decided was the Altean version of a toilet bowl _(really, all of them still didn't know how to approach the concept of alien toilets)_. The last thing he remembered was walking away from the kitchen before nausea from chugging salty coffee must've decided to sucker-punch him to kingdom come. Next thing he knew, Shiro was helping him to hold up his hair and patting his back as he continued his retching. Like what would happen after a bunch of girls come home drunk from a college frat party.

He heard Shiro murmur something along the lines of ' _This kid is gonna be the death of me_ ', followed by what sounded like a prayer for strength. 

"I was just trying to impress him--" Keith managed to choke out, his voice betraying him, sounding like a petulant whine. Shiro shushed him, in the manner all older brothers do when they resigned themselves to dealing with their younger siblings' shenanigans.

"Shhh, I know, I know..."

**Author's Note:**

> And that's all for now, folks! I'll see y'all soon! Feel free to give me some con-crit, I live for the stuff owo
> 
> *nyooms away, giggling like the gay shipper I am*


End file.
